NO!!!
Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving A #@%!, outlines in Chapter 8: The Importance of Saying No. In this highlighted chapter, Mark discusses Rejection, Boundaries, Building Trust, and Commitment. Merriam-Webster defines the word no as a function to describe the negative of an alternative choice or possibility. The sound of the word no has a feeling of rejection and doubt. Our children cringe at the word. Our employers use it in power. Our significant others prepare for its arrival. Nevertheless, Mark teaches us that the more no’s we attract, the closer we are to a resounding yes.
Think back to a moment recently when you were told no. Was it your boss saying no to your idea to enhance your company’s revenue? Was it your significant other saying no to that new grill for the summer? Was it your children saying no to your cooking of the meal you prepared after a long days work? In each case, the word no causes a discomfort because we expected a yes. The mere fact that we put so much effort in producing what we feel is perfect, then being rejected, sends a gut wrenching shock as if we were on the World’s tallest roller coaster. We become paralyzed with emotion. Our emotions turn from embarrassment to anger. Then we give up.
Handling the no is the beginning of finding your yes. As often as we hear our ideas rejected, it empowers us to change the details to improve them. At one point in my professional career, I worked in a call center. This particular account we handled sold software support for a major computer company. Customers would call in to troubleshoot an issues and would be transferred to our department to pay for a support package. During these conversations, the customer would be irate knowing their expensive computer is not working, their project is due in an hour, and they have to give me their credit card to fix the issue. You can imagine how many times I heard a resounding, NO.
In overcoming the rejection, it was my responsibility to show the customer why they needed the service. As if it was not obvious. I explained that the computer did not work. I told them that we did some minor troubleshooting during our call. I expressed the urgency of their need to have the project in on time. When all else failed, I let them know they were offered the service when they initially purchased the computer, but rejected it. This now placed the accountability on them. With all of their frustration and four letter words, they in return said, “My credit card number is…”
Saying the word no brings about a different feeling. Often when we tell someone no, we feel we are in control. Our pride shines through our vocal chords. For some it is as simple as the two letters “N” “O.” For others, it is the most difficult word to utter from their lips. We fear that telling the truth will hurt the feelings of our loved ones, send dejection to that employee, or cause a rift in our relationships. Using the word no places us in an honest position. It allows us to give honest feedback in questions of our opinions.
I have learned that hearing no is as important as saying no. In hearing no, I am able to dig deeper into why my idea was rejected or why this tie does not look as good as I thought. In saying no, I am able to reject the idea that someone else is always right or I have to give, give, give. Understanding how to tactfully reject someone or accept criticism takes effort and practice. It also takes some failures to get it right. The no’s that we hear and say, liberates our freedom of self assurance and allows us to prepare for that resounding, YES!
